Saturday, October 12, 2013

Lessons Learned Living with a Girl

Alex has already written about the lessons she has learned with me.  As you can imagine, I have learned a ton on my end of things over the last couple of months living with a girl, and I think it is only fair that I get a chance to respond with my own list.

1. Girls insist on owning throw pillows, and their insistence is inexplicable.  For any bachelors reading this blog that might be blissfully unaware of what I'm talking about, a throw pillow is a pillow that is miniaturized to suboptimal dimensions.  As a pillow, it still holds a certain functionality (as I am reminded every time I use one) but their effectiveness is diminished due to their puny proportions.  Girls like to put them on their beds (which they then take off when they go to bed) and on the ends of couches (which you then have to move if you want to sit on said couch.)

2. Fashion and decoration are both multivariabled beasts.  The art of decorating a room (and apparently clothing yourself) is the application of colors, textures, and several other variables I have yet to discover into some sort of coherent menagerie, and this is a skill I have not successfully acquired.  In most every aspect of life, I have always found that if you can describe the variables and those variables' relationship to each other, you can optimize whatever you are wanting to do.  Perhaps this holds true for fashion. But there are so many variables, and frankly, I'm starting to think the rules are constantly being changed on me; and the result is I can only throw my hands up in the air in complete frustration and leave decorating to the experts (that is, Alex and her mother.)  It should be noted that Alex now allows me to dress myself but that is as far as I have advanced.

3. I went through my entire bachelor time completely unaware of how to care for a kitchen.  You apparently do not pour cold water into a skillet fresh from the oven, you don't place hot cookware on countertops, and it is an abomination to store said cookware on the oven burners (where you need them next time you use those burners).  Alex enjoys telling the story about how I had to ask if I could use the soap because she had ziplock bags over them (turns out she was allowing them to dry after washing them).  For what it's worth, Alex says I have come long way in the time we've been married.

4. Girls get cold at a much faster rate than guys do.  My dear Alex has not been a fan of leaving our bedroom fan on while we sleep, something that I rather prefer.  Fortunately, I apparently make a good space heater.

5.  Shedding.  I have found some big strands of hair in the drains, and they are quite the contrast to the 1/4 inch strands we as guys usually leave.  They aren't really a big inconvenience at all, just  a surprising factoid.

6. It's really just the converse of what Alex said earlier, but a girl's daily diet would starve a bird.  I don't know how she can subsist on the rations Alex allots for herself.

7. Alex has an eye for detail that I just don't have.  I suppose this ties in with fashion, since its just appreciating the details that she herself has so meticulously planned in our home, but she will notice the apparel and decor of other women and their homes to a degree that boggles the mind.

8. It is not fair that society expects women to spend so much time looking a certain way when men can get away with not even shaving/grooming their facial hair daily.  It's a real double standard and it completely cuts my legs out from under me when my dear wife asks me to dress a little nicer for whatever we are doing.

9. Security is big with women.  Hence we now lock the doors before going to bed, whereas I used to leave the doors unlocked, halfway hoping that intruders would come in the night so I might have the pleasure of honorably defending my home.

10. Sometimes inspite of and sometimes because of the reasons listed, plus a plethora of other reasons, life with the woman of your dreams is great.  The good things of life are that much sweeter because of my dear Alex, and the difficulties exist to prove definitively that Omnia Vincit Amore.


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