Filling the gaps

One of Arthur's favorite movies is Rocky.  So his favorite movie is actually Rocky IV (I should get wife points for knowing this specifically) but when we first started dating he was crazy about all the films in the Rocky Balboa saga.  I watched the original Rocky recently and it is slightly concerning how much I have mentioned it on the blog lately-- hopefully our readers will forgive this lack of refinement.  (Arthur's editorial comment:  Lack of refinement??  My dear Alex, Rocky won three Academy Awards, made the American Film Institute's list of top movies, and the cinematography continues to influence how movies are filmed to this day.  You don't have to speak with a British accent and wear a tuxedo to be high culture.)  The following is the dialogue between Rocky and his friend Paulie about Rocky dating Paulie's sister Adrian:

Paulie:  You like her?
Rocky: Sure, I like her.
Paulie: What's the attraction?
Rocky: I dunno... she fills gaps.
Paulie: What's 'gaps'?
Rocky: I dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.

My mother actually quoted these lines to me during a discussion about Arthur's and my relationship when we were getting more serious about each other.   I was quite surprised that my mom was giving relationship advice from Rocky but it's an idea that Arthur and I talk about frequently in our marriage.  We both bring certain personalities, skills, background, and experiences to the table-- both good and bad.  We also each have areas where we may lack certain skills or experiences and the other person "fills in these gaps"  The more scientific and technical term would be synergy.  Here's the definition of synergy from wikipedia:

Synergy is the interaction of multiple elements in a system to produce an effect different from or greater than the sum of their individual effects. The term synergy comes from a Greek word meaning "working together".

I would like to think that our relationship is more than just addition, 1+1=2, but more of a synergistic effect where 1+1= better than 2.  We are better together than individually.  This is true for many different realms of life.  In talking with someone about personal ministry one time I mentioned that if I was to marry, it would be less likely that I would pursue doing healthcare in developing nations which was a dream at that time.  I was under the impression that marriage and family would possibly decrease my ability to reach out to others.  (Please remember I was college, younger, and less wise than I hopefully am now.)  This friend then pointed out that if I was to get married my career path might look slightly different than becoming a physical therapist in some remote African village, it wouldn't necessarily hinder my impact for His kingdom.  They pointed out that many times in ministry 2 are better than 1 and the impact might be more than doubled.  And this is true in many other areas too.  I have always competed in individual sports and haven't really experienced personally the thrill of a team working together in athletic competitions.  I suppose marriage is the ultimate team sport.

In another blog we read often, The Art of Manliness, there was a post on marriage as a master mind.  The idea of a master mind is "when two or more people come together as a group with positive energy, a definite aim, and complete harmony, a "third mind" is essentially formed".  A committee working as a group as the power of multiple minds but in a close relationship with harmony a super power is formed.  This article talked about some famous couples such as Nobel prize winners, Pierre and Marie Curie, Johnny Cash and his wife June who won a few Grammy awards for their duets, and many other couples who have ran businesses together, writing books, etc.  I am personally thankful that Arthur and I are not business partners in a career  (although one of my goals in the 5th grade was to become an electrical engineer but now I am married to one).  I would like to think that we encourage one another in our individual pursuits and also share many mutual goals and interests.  The following quote is also from the post on master minds by a researcher studying self-expanision and growth in marriages:

“People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person,” Dr. Lewandowski says. “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.”

Some examples of self-expansion that have occurred in our relationship include:
-Arthur making me watch Net-flix documentaries on everything from origami to Steinway painos
-I once read all 1124 pages of Systematic Theology so I could understand what Arthur was rambling on about during our nightly phone conversations
- I am now occasionally aware of what is going on in politics today and the multiple sides of issues, once again due to Arthur's ramblings
- Arthur now eats spinach salad at basically every meal
- I now will eat Asian food
- Together we have pursued interests in sustainable living and renewable energy
- Arthur is becoming tidier and more organized
- Since Arthur lives with a physical therapist he is becoming more interested in making physical activity and fitness a part of his day.
- We both share a love for travel and the outdoors.  Since it is winter and neither of us has much vacation time we are pursuing these interests together vicariously through watching survival tv shows
- A common practice at dinner is to share about what we are learning through audiobooks or if we have read any interesting news articles that day.

The researcher mention above also did a study where couples were asked to describe their relationship using a scale of 7 circles.  At one end of the scale was two separate circles, the middle was two circles that overlap, and the opposite end was two circles draw virtually one top of the other.  It showed that those couples in fulfilling relationship picked the circles with the great overlap-- together they fill gaps.  Omni Vincit Amor.