Music to our ears

A few weeks (or maybe months-- sometime in the somewhat recent past) we wrote a post on our different personalities according to the Myers-Brigg classifications and how that plays a part in our marriage.  Recently we are becoming more aware of other "personality traits" or preferences affect our interactions.  This time it is the difference of how Arthur and I use our 5 senses.  While I was at KU Med, a guest lecturer who has done research and written several books about sensation spoke in our classes.  We had to take a quiz to determine what kind of "sensor" we were.  There are those who avoid sensation, embrace, ignore, or try to control it.  Arthur either ignores it or embraces it-- he doesn't see clutter and this is why he would prefer we just take the cabinet doors off the kitchen cabinets and piles of laundry in the floor aren't a big deal.  He embraces it since he loves to have a variety of music on all the time and likes to be adventurous with trying new foods.  I, on the other hand, am a sensory avoider.  I could eat the same thing every day (and I tend to), clutter or things out of place always catch my attention, and I am perfectly happy with silence-- people ask me what kind of music I listen to and respond that I don't.
Just this week this has played out in our marriage.  Arthur likes to leave his bathroom supplies all over the counter but I recently asked him to put them away in the drawer just so they are out of sight.  We have also began our yearly battle about running the ceiling fan at night in our bedroom.  As an sensory avoider I don't like air blowing on me and the constant hum makes it tougher to get to sleep.  I'm also not a big fan on people touching me and especially touch which feels constraining to me like big hugs.  We have also been through "counseling" from our friends in Bible study about my compulsiveness to always have the door to the room as well as the closet doors shut before going to be.  Arthur would say this is one of the things that frustrates him most in our marriage.  As you can see Arthur has it pretty rough being married to a sensory avoider.
Just this evening we were listening to some classical music on the radio while we were driving.  Arthur mentioned that he really enjoyed one piece which was a piano duet and didn't care for the trumpet solo--my preferences were the exact opposite.  We realized that Arthur likes music with a considerable amount of complexity to keep his interest.  I like the trumpet solo because I could follow what was happening one note at a time.  If Arthur is listening to classical music in one room I will often wander into another room just because the music is so distracting and my head gets tired trying to listen and I just have to escape.  Certain instruments such as organ or harpsichord make it even worse.  This evening he sat down and started playing Toccata and Fugue in D Minor and to me all the organ chords in that piece that created dissonance was like fingers on a chalk board or a high pitched whistle that causes a dog to howl in agony.

He then found a video that had a visual representation of the music which was slightly more tolerable-- or at least interesting since there was something to watch instead of just listening.  With the visual representation I could actually appreciate the complexity Arthur was raving about since I could see it.

 Next we listened to Clair de Lune which is slower with quite a bit less complexity.  This is one my list of favorite classical pieces and Arthur has always been less then impressed. Next he decided to see what my thoughts about the Hungarian Rhapsody.  I did once again enjoy watching the video since I could appreciate the movement and skill of the pianist.  Just listening this would have been lost on me.

I then had Arthur watch my favorite presentation of Hungarian Rhapsody.  (You can skip the first 1:30 or so to get to when they are playing.)

Now that we have a little bit of a better idea about how we "sense" or perceive the world it makes it slightly easier to understand that Arthur ignores a mess because he has never actually sensed that it was there and that what seems to be overly picky behaviors in his wife is just really my attempts to limit unnecessary sensation in my environment.  However these are also strengths- I can remember where Arthur has put his keys, phone, wallet, etc because anything out of place catches my attention and if for some reason I slack off on my cleaning duties my husband doesn't seem to mind and is still happy.  It's interesting how God created us to experience His creation in such vastly different ways.  Omnia Vincit Amor.